‘Spring Breakers’

12 May

Why see ‘Spring Breakers’, you ask?

If that Mayan Calander bullshit does in fact come true and we all die come December 21st, I’ll be terribly disappointed. Not just because I haven’t even been able to get legally inebriated with a righteous bunch of frat-boys and bops yet, but because I will miss out on what looks like a cinematic masterpiece in ‘Spring Breakers’.

Filming for this heroic narrative is taking place right now in  the birthplace of geriatrics otherwise know as where blue-blooded retirees go to spend their remaining years eating at faux-Italian restaurants: Tampa, Florida. The title alone seems pretty self-explanatory, but it’s not your typical douche party-flick that herds of Tapout-wearing bros will flock to see. One reason this movie will not disappoint is the cast it boasts. That’s not a corn-rowed Kevin Federline you see in the picture above. It’s James Franco. Yeah, the same James Franco who cut his arm off in’127 Hours’ and smoked a shitload of the “rarest weed known to mankind” in ‘Pineapple Express’, all while obtaining an obscene amount of degrees.

Other notable cast members that might interest the general male population include: Selena Gomez, who many know as Justin Bieber’s girlfriend; Vanessa Hudgens of nude photo fame; Ashley Benson from the annoying show, ‘Pretty Little Liars’, that no tween girl could do without, and Rachel Korine, who hasn’t done any bad movies. Dudes will have trouble concealing their hard-ons, even in the khaki cargo shorts that Kanye doesn’t like. The story line promises to be fun. By fun, I mean four scantily clad sorority girls getting busted for holding up a fast food joint in order to fund their frivolities, only to have a rapping drug and arms dealer that goes by the name “Alien” (Franco), bail them out of jail and enlist their help to kill his arch-rival fittingly named “Arch”.

What will be more of a “fuck you” to the Mayans than going to see 4 good-looking women run around with a Riff Raff type looking criminal?

thug life

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