UFC Star Alistair Overeem Responds to Doping Charges

10 Apr

In response to the recent announcement of his failed drug test, Ultimate Fighting Championship heavyweight contender Alistair Overeem has released a shocking 35-page exposé entitled Reaching The Pinnacle of Humanity, detailing the underground world of performance-enhancement for elite athletes.

[UPDATE: the full memo can now be downloaded here.]

Overeem, 31, failed a surprise doping test last week with testosterone levels more than twice as high as the acceptable limit.

Facing the possibility of being disqualified from his shot at the title at UFC 146 in May, Overeem said he “was forced to defend himself from false accusations of cheating.” Mixed martial arts fans jumped to the defense of Overeem, who is a rising star in the wildly popular UFC.

While many fans were shocked by the failed drug test, many more were shocked by his response, which includes an inside look at not only his workout regimen, but every minuscule detail of his life, from his sleeping plan (duration, position, room temperature, etc.) to his reading list (he apparently has an infatuation with American author Stephanie Myer). Although his records have yet to be independently validated, each section is signed & notarized by the various scientists, doctors, and technicians that trained him.

In the introductory section of the document, Overeem claims to have enrolled in top-secret programs run by his native Dutch government and several other national governments around the world.

As I stepped off the plane in Beijing in early 2003, I was greeted by Vice Chairman of China’s Central Military Commission Xi Jinping and General Guo Boxiong, who escorted me to our meeting with the newly elected President Hu Jintao. During the thirty-minute limo ride, they began to describe their state-of-the-art facilities and techniques they claimed were far beyond the capabilities of any other nation in the world. After apologising for my subpar command of the Mandarin language, I admitted that I was very intrigued by their facilities. Unbeknownst to me, the glistening facilities and staggering research budgets were just the tip of the iceberg.

When we finally reached our rendezvous with President Jintao, I could sense an aura of excitement emanating from my escorts. They had clearly been hiding something important from me. Taking a seat at the head of a long mahogany conference table, President Jintao began to describe to me a program that was much more than just a new lifting regimen: it was a revolutionary approach to the human body.

In exchange for enrolling into their program, President Jintao promised that his team of scientists and engineers would help me win the Pride Championship Belt. ‘You’re gonna knockout that punk Chuck Liddell in the first round son, word is bond.’ Uncomfortable with making a such an important decision with too much haste, I implied that I needed some time to think about it. Before I could finish my sentence, President Jintao cut me off, saying ‘Look, I know that becoming the-greatest-fighter-that-has-graced-this-planet-since-Bruce-Lee might not be that much of an incentive, but I didn’t get a chance to tell you about the female division of the program that we will be running within the same facility…,’ and that was all that it took.

There were no lengthy contracts to sign, no lawyers present, and no media conferences. We had just made a verbal agreement to partake in the most important advancement of humanity since Gutenberg’s invention of movable type, and the rest of the world was totally unaware.

– Alistair Overeem, excerpt from Reaching The Pinnacle of Humanity

He goes on describe his time as ‘enjoyable, but quite lacking in comparison to the mental stimulation that I usually depend on to help me prepare for my fights.’ Because of this, he ended his stint with the Chinese program, but not without having something to show for it. During his 3 years working with the Chinese, Overeem had moved from the light-heavyweight division at 205 lbs to the heavyweight division, weighing in at 224 lbs. But this was just the beginning of his development.

Visual Timeline of Alistair Overeem’s Weight Changes

Later, while describing some of the other programs he joined in various countries, he also touches upon the subject of his massive weight gains. Some fans, and even other fighters, have questioned the alarming rate at which he is able to add muscle weight, and some have even suggested that he must be using steroids. Overeem himself seems to have seen the bulking up as an inevitable step in his career as a fighter.

I have nothing negative to say about those governments which I worked with: the Japanese surpassed my greatest expectations by molding me into an expert sumo wrestler, the Americans provided me the best dental care available in the world, and the Italians introduced me to several wine varieties that completely changed my diet. However, I wanted to return to my homeland during my final preparations before joining the UFC. It had taken me 3 years to put on 20 pounds of muscle, but I knew that it was not enough. If I wanted to win the heavyweight title, I would have to compete with colossal fighters such as Brock Lesnar and Shane Carwin, who was 30 pounds heavier than me. So, with the full backing of my country, I embarked upon the most difficult training I had experienced at the time.

Daily workouts that lasted from sunrise to sunset, meals that consisted nothing more than milk, fresh fruits, raw fish, and vegetables, and little time to rest. This was my life for 18 months, during which time I went from 224 to 253 lbs, while managing to significantly increase my stamina and quickness.

After the in-depth descriptions of his super-human transformation, Overeem finally addresses his failed drug test, declaring his innocence.

Throughout my entire career, not once has anything entered my body which I did not approve of. Every single calorie eaten, every ounce of blood drawn, it has all been documented, and it all leads to one unavoidable conclusion. I have always complied with the rules of the fighting organisations of which I have been a member, and I have never used any illegal performance-enhancing substances.

So how did I fail a drug test? The answer is quite simple. It is not I who failed, it is the drug test that has failed. The Nevada State Athletic Commission and the World Anti-Doping Agency are using testing methods that trail the advances of science by several decades. My elevated testosterone levels are not the result of any cheating or illegal activities. I had no unfair advantages during my fights.

I am, quite simply, a better human being.

The advanced training methods I used, particularly those implemented by the Chinese government, are so precise that they can alter the body, down to its chemical composition. Had the test been advanced enough, it would also have shown that my atomic composition is what they would consider “abnormal”. While the average human has 0.00000000003 grams of radium, my body contains nearly 2,000 times that amount. This is a result of several years of experimenting and tweaking my diet, mostly by replacing protein shakes with white wine.

Brock Lesnar, whom Overeem defeated at UFC 141 with a TKO in the first round, could not be reached for comment. Since their fight, Lesnar has retired from mixed martial arts and returned to professional wrestling. However, UFC President Dana White seemed stunned upon hearing the news.

Oh, shit.

– Dana White, UFC President

With the Nevada State Athletic Commission currently investigating Overeem’s application to fight in Las Vegas on May 26 at UFC 146, the entire sports world will be keeping a watchful eye on the situation, which could change the entire landscape of professional sports.

Editor’s Note: Neither President Jintao nor any other leader mentioned by Overheem could be reached for comment prior to the publishing of this story. Special thanks to America’s Finest News Source for their contributions to this article.

42 Responses to “UFC Star Alistair Overeem Responds to Doping Charges”

  1. Mike 11 April 2012 at 16:15 #

    is this for real or a joke?? if its foreal give me a call and i will be the new test subject.

  2. Frizzle512 12 April 2012 at 04:10 #

    This guy here, just a better human being huh? This would make for a great movie if he won the title, little guy gets tested on by chinese government, not even a Chinese athlete mind you and turn him into a hulking champion. Lmfao

  3. Anonymous 12 April 2012 at 09:12 #

    ain’t that some shit, if that’s for real I want to be their new testing bunny :D

  4. adolf 12 April 2012 at 11:08 #

    PED’s really do fuck with your brain huh?

  5. Damian 12 April 2012 at 11:13 #

    Then how did he pass tests prior to this one? O_o

    • T-Do 12 April 2012 at 11:45 #

      This ^ Use logic people. Steroids only do what we aren’t smart enough to figure out…hyperbaric chambers?

  6. Anonymous 12 April 2012 at 11:49 #

    how did he pass prior testing?timing!if you know what you using and you know when they test you it is just about timing!

  7. Steve 12 April 2012 at 12:42 #

    Alistair you is on the BOOM JUICE, and man you can talk some serious sh*t…….

  8. James 12 April 2012 at 13:03 #

    Haha. President Jintao is like the equivalent to President Barrack. Darn those misleading Chinese name orders.

  9. Bradey12 12 April 2012 at 13:31 #

    I don’t see a problem with steroid use. Legalize it, tax it and shut up about it. I know people who have been on them for years and I’ve never seen any change in personality through the years.

  10. mitemouz 12 April 2012 at 18:07 #

    just so we’re all clear, the testing is NOT decades behind, he is an outright liar. You don’t get that much higher testosterone levels by working out twice as much, which btw he doesn’t. There are hundreds, even thousands of professional athletes in all sports who do nothing but workout, diet, and rest, all on a set schedule. The things he talks about aren’t any different than what many NFL players do. Except of course the wine. But its been proven that alcohol has a catabolic effect on our muscles. So how would taking something that reduces muscle mass make your muscles grow? How did he pass prior tests? Is this a serious question?? If you have the money, and the means, which he has both especially being from a foreign country, cheating drug tests can become childs play. If you don’t believe me you should read a little bit of the mitchell report sometime. Overeem cheated. Plain and simple. And hes not the only one. But that doesnt make it ok. He just recently joined the UFC, which deals with the NVAC for its drug testing. They are more thorough and serious about drug testing than anyone. Thats why he got caught. Its easy to pass drug tests in Japan, assuming he even had to take them which I doubt.

    • Anonymous 12 April 2012 at 21:31 #

      dude you do realize this article is a troll right? lol… “The things he talks about aren’t any different than what many NFL players do. Except of course the wine”….come on dude, you should have had it at Wine.

    • rick 13 April 2012 at 12:37 #

      Boom. Right here. True Shit.

    • nix 17 April 2012 at 22:13 #

      lololololololol u think this is real none of this is from overeem……and if you want to get technical he only pissed a 14:1 ratio……which is only a ratio and does not prove his testosterone is high but only high in comparison to his epitestosterone, which could be from other things and it seems this is the defense he will go with. he would need blood work to actually see his testosterone level

    • Anonymous 27 May 2012 at 14:40 #

      the testing isn’t behind it’s just a basic test that test a ratio of one natural chemical in the body to another. If one is low but the other is baseline then the ratio sill be high. This is the cheapest test for steroid use available. They can test your blood and figure out exactly what you have taken and how much if it is still in your system. NVAC is Not nearly as strict as other sports. thats how he didn’t fail before. His previous test looked for actual compounds not ratios. Your body’s ratio of Test-to-epitest can change by over 25% after a just a running a few sprints or a normal workout. And cosidering it was a suprise test this could explain alot. I’m not saying he’s innocent i’m just saying there are far too many factors to consider in the NVAC testing. Just pay more money and be certain.

      And most research on alcohol has documented it to aid in protien synthesis and act as a vasodialator due to the enzymes in it after fermentation. Why do you think you get hot and your skin turns more red when you drink? How is that Catabolic? Just sayin.

  11. Nemhelse 12 April 2012 at 19:18 #

    What is the scientifical argument for adding white wine to protein shakes?

    • rick 13 April 2012 at 12:38 #

      hahaha. Scientifical…

  12. Abzgalorebizzle 12 April 2012 at 19:35 #

    2 things i wanna know… 1. Hu Jintao’s response 2. How all you guys know all about testing and steroid use…the shit he wrote is CRAZY but so is all these posts. unless your Keith Kizer plz dont speak about testing like your the guy who made the process

  13. Anonymous 12 April 2012 at 20:16 #

    America’s Finest News Source = The Onion… come on, people!

  14. John 12 April 2012 at 20:27 #

    Is this article for real?

    • Anonymous 12 April 2012 at 21:35 #

      I can’t believe so many people have taken this article seriously, IT WAS NOT RELEASED BY OVEREEM. I don’t even need to fact check that, it is obvious this is a troll. Its a sad day for humanity. I Wonder what else he could have said in the article in order to figure out this is a joke.

  15. Zane 13 April 2012 at 05:54 #

    Dude this oke must be using serious juice… Animals in the wild don’t even look like that FFS

  16. Hjd 13 April 2012 at 19:02 #

    The NFL doesn’t test for steroids but they do do test for marijuana, go figure.

  17. Austin Thorne 13 April 2012 at 20:27 #

    It saddens me that there are people around who actually believe this

  18. perucho 14 April 2012 at 04:49 #

    Lol. I just can’t picture The Reem reading Twilight.

  19. Chris 24 January 2013 at 20:24 #

    This is absolutelty rediculous. i lift weight about 4 to 5 times a week and a former wrestler. ive got a lot of knowledge on weightlifting and body building and this is complete ludicrous. no man i don’t care how hard the conditioning can put on 70 plus pounds of pure muscle in 5 years. 70 pounds, thats the size of a child. Overeem should not be in the octagon and just further promotes the use of illegel drugs. mark my words no man that has ever existed no matter how hard the training and conditioning will ever put on 70 pounds of pure muscle naturally. its also quite funny that his goal was to beat men the size of brock lesnar – also on steroids.

    • nix 28 January 2013 at 18:47 #

      well thanks for just showing you actually know very little. its better to never open your mouth and have people think ur stupid than to open it and take any doubt away. for one overeem did not gain 70 lbs of pure muscle thats retarded….he gained 70 lbs of muscle, water and glycogen and fat stores (not fat , but fat stores) . Another thing just because you couldnt gain that much does not mean it is impossible. i love hearing people claim things are impossible it shows that there so ignorant and they think there so smart that they wont even do a quick check to see if what he is going to say is wrong. i am not saying overeem or brock lesnar are not on PED…….cuz really there are so many other things than just “roids” that can help you. But just to prove you wrong cuz ur an ignorant ass the most pure muscle ever recorded by doctors while doing a study on clean athletes was
      18.25lbs in a year which would be 91.25 lbs in 5 years they also go on to say that it is possible for a human body to gain no more than an ounce of muscle a day which would give you about 22 lbs a year which would be 110 in 5 so ya it is completly possible for a human to do this http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/maki2.htm has a small write up about the study and other info.

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